Vampire Goth Chicks and Boys

Vampires. You see them in all your favorite movies, from “Bram Stoker’s Dracula” to “Interview with a Vampire“. They are eternally beautiful, creatures of the night, donned in their dark clothing and forced into an age long mourning process. In other words, they are exemplify ultra goths! That is why vampire goth chicks (and boys) can be super sexy shmexy.

The Insta Goth Kit will provide you with a pair of fangs that will fit right over your incisors (or your two front teeth, if you wish to be a Bunnicula of sorts. I love Bunnicula!)

You must go out and feed upon the warm blood of the living. Since nibbling on humans can lead to lawsuits, we here at the Insta Goth Kit recommend creatures that people won’t care about as much. Biting a cat will get you rejected from the Gothic subculture, since most Goths like their cats more than people. (Cats aren’t as judgmental, and love to shed on their black clothing.)

vampire goth chicks
Therefore, the recommended creature is a rat. Rats are nasty little critters that no one cares about, and contain just enough blood to clear that acne off your skin. Ah, the healing blood of mammals! Don’t be offended by starting off small with rats. Remember, in “Interview with a Vampire”, Brad Pitt’s character had to start off with rats and cats and doggies. In a few decades, you will be able to move up to larger animals, like horses and cows (vampyre bats drink from cows!). An in a few centuries, you will be ready for Human Blood! So do not despair!

Here we have our two end results. First is your victim. The rat. Notice that the puncture wounds are near the neck artery. But beware…once you bite the rat, it will become a VAMPYRE rat! It will grow cool wings (like a bat, but it is a rat. Get it?) and sharp teeth. They can walk on their hind legs, and get evil eyebrows. The one in the picture has already made a kill. This is worse than rabies, people!
vampire goth chicks
REAL goths wear the plastic fangs (but always say they are real when asked by “normals”) and the more creative ones take red nailpolish and dab it on the tips, to make it look like they have made a fresh kill! Be sure to make a ruckus in public when out in daylight (which you SHOULD NOT be doing, but if you HAVE to be outside) about how much pain the sun causes you. Bare your fangs at all who get in your way, they must fear you now that you are among the immortal!

You can add credit to your vampirism by spelling vampire like “vampyre”. This spelling is reminiscent of more ancient times, of which you should claim to be a direct descendent from. Sure, you may LOOK 16, but as a vampyre, you must claim to be 500 years old. (Think Angel from Buffy: The Vampire Slayer).

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