Make Up

We here at know better than to trust you with ANY makeup. So we offer in this section industrial strength makeup remover.

Goddamn that white face pancake makeup, mac eyeshadow in black, and grubby nailpolish that is 10 coats deep. That is all coming off. OFF, you hear me? Oh.

Insta Prep KitAnd this is a girls only section. You lipstick slogging gothbois out there just gotta SCRUB it all off. (Woe to you that tattooed on your eyeliner).

Prep girls model their makeup after the “Britney Spears Clones”. Think PASTELS for eyeshadow! Pink! Light blue! Light Lavender! Hell. Light. But especially pink. Pink eyeshadow, pink blush, pink lip gloss. Feel free to cake it on. Nothing says “inexperienced preppie teenage girl” than tons of cheap Maybelline makeup.

  • Makeup remover – instructions: wet face, apply remover generously, rinse, repeat if necessary. Must remove /all/ traces of makeup. We are not responsible if your eyebrows are part of your makeup. You should have thought of that before you shaved them off!
  • Nail polish remover & Cotton swabs – instructions: apply until all nail polish gone. Must remove the grime around the corners as well!
  • Moisturizer with SPF 15. That’s right. ONLY SPF 15! Your going to step out into the sun, and get a healthy glow. And your going to hate it. But think how happy it is going to make your mother. Nothing got my parents happier then seeing my cheeks flushed pink from shoveling the damn sidewalk. Bah.
  • PINK lipgloss and eyeshadow – pastel pink. Regardless of your skin tone. Remember, preppie teenage girls have no clue as to how to wear makeup. Think of it as “High School Camoflauge”.

Insta Prep KitAnyways, think about how good this is for your skin, giving it a day off from whatever you slop on there. Just make sure no one takes a picture for posterity!

And trust me, the family WILL attempt to do so. It’s like the Loch Ness monster, or Big Foot. The second people see you without your black clothes, strange glitter or huge mohawk, out comes the camera.

And now with digital cameras and such easy access to the Internet..Beware!

Send us one of these pictures, along with a before picture, for our amusement.

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