The Insta Prep Kit understands that today’s freaks encounter many situations in everyday life in which they will need to “blend in”. We offer the following styles to meet your needs.
Court Day: Have a court date from the time you got caught pissing on a foolish civilian that got in your way? Which time, you ask? The time you were pissing on your own grandmother, you hardc0re sick ass punk! Well, here is the outfit for you!
- Button down Oxford shirt – to actually be buttoned down, and tucked into your..
- Slacks – Clean, uncut, and NOT tucked into your shoes.
- Tie – to be worn around neck, with NON offensive pattern. NOT to be used as a choking device on those who annoy you.
- Shoes – brown, nicely polished loafers. No scuffing while waiting for court to start!
- Socks – matching, no holes, no offending odor. These have actually been washed, and will not have the same gagging effect as your usual socks have when you shove them in people’s mouths.
Blending in at school: Sick of getting constantly picked on by classmates? Tired of having teachers ask you “Who Died?” everyday? Annoyed with the extra supervision you get ever since Columbine? We have here the most innocuous outfit that is guaranteed to let you slip right through the cracks of everyday public school!
- White baseball cap – with baseball team of your choice.
- Boy’s shirt – Choice of following label on shirt: Gap, Abercrombie and Fitch, Banana Republic, or if the situation is really dire, Old Navy.
- Girl’s shirt – L.L. Bean, J. Crew or if you want to be a tad scandalous, BeBe
- Jeans – Boring.Ass.Blue. Or if you are a girl, maybe a cute colored skinny jean in a god awful pastel pink.
- Sneakers – Preps are label whores. For the boys, Nikes. For the girls, Steve Madden, Adidas, or something expensive looking, but cutesy. Do you remember when Keds were in? With those fucking blue tags on the back? I hate those. And NO drawing ankhs on the sneakers!
Visiting the Family: Scared you won’t get that juicy ten spot when visiting Grandma? Don’t want to have to put up with your Uncle’s surly comments about your appearance? What are some of the sorriest, snidest comments you have received regarding your personal style? Here we provide an outfit that the family will surely love!
- A ‘respectable’ brand name may land you some cash, or at least, less criticism, from the relatives. Therefore, your choice of Nautica or Ralph Lauren for the shirt.
- Those annoying fleece vest pullovers – available in green, blue or white (mix and match for extra fun!)
- Corduroy pants – available in tan, green or blue.
- Shoe wear – Tan work boots, hippie sandals, or those ever present Nikes
Be brave and no altering clothing before event and NO burning clothing post event. Trust me, family doesn’t go away, school is never ending, and court dates…well..you just shouldn’t evade all those court dates.
Some accessories that will assist with mainstream incorporation:
- Try to dig up a class ring, or beat someone up for theirs.
- Those terribly tacky hemp necklace type things.
- A thin chain with a cross on it (Insta Prep not responsible for seared flesh upon contact)
