Going to be stuck carpooling with bland coworkers? Forced to a school dance? Or by some freakish incident beyond your control going to end up in a place where you will have no control over the airwaves?
We here at sykospark.net have had horrific incidents occur where we somehow ended up in those types of situations. We have compiled a mix of the most blandest, mainstream slop that will assist you in being able to tolerate your situation for up to FIVE hours! NO other mainstream slop compilation can come with that kind of guarantee! And no, you won’t get your fucking money back. I will have already spent it on GOOD music, being directly shipped to me from another country.
Here are some of the bands on the compilation. Don’t worry, we cut their songs off after 110 seconds. Our tests have shown that after 115 seconds, the subject’s ears would start to bleed. At about 120 seconds, the subject would start howling in pain to try to block out the “music”, and finally.. at.. 130 seconds.. well.. let’s just say that we didn’t like cleaning up the drool left behind by the comatose victims.
- Dave Mathews Band
- Grateful Dead
- Missy Elliot
- Ben Harper
- Jimmy Buffet
- Matchbox 20
- Celine Dion
- Third Eye Blind
- Backstreet Boys/ N’ Sync / All-4-One
- Christina Aguilera / Britney Spears
- Hootie and the Blowfish
- Sugar Ray
- Blink 182
- Blues Traveler
- Destiny’s Child / Beyonce
I know. I can hear you shudder. I can also hear some of you look at this list and say “Hey, I kinda like ____”. That’s ok. We all have our skeletons hidden amongst our CD collections. I bury mine deep, between the German imports and the Metropolis domestic releases, where I was too cheap to buy the non domestic label release.
You will have to be careful about not sounding too stuck up when it comes to your music. Don’t even bother dropping label names or even trying to discuss non American bands. You might as well belch out the alphabet, as that will make more sense to those trapping you in your situation.
If looking to buy a present for a prep, purchase the latest and coolest “compilation” (most likely a movie soundtrack). Ensure that it has at least one song on it that is on the top of the charts. If you are cool enough, you most likely have NO idea what is the most popular song right now. Just look for the compilations with the stickers that say “Has the HIT song ____!” on it.